Husband-Wife Sms Jokes & Messages

Santa 2 cigarette ek saath pee raha tha

Santa 2 cigarette ek saath pee raha thaa.
Patni: 2 cigarette kyon peete ho?
Santa: Dost kee yaad aati hai na.. ek meri hoti hai aur ek mere dost ki.
Kuchh dino baad Santa ek hi cigarette peene laga.
Patni ne poochha: Dost ko bhool gaye kya?
Santa: Nahi Pagli, maine cigarette peena chhod diya hai!!!

Pati pepsi ko samne rakh ke udas baitha tha!

Pati pepsi ko samne rakh ke udas baitha tha!
Patni aayi aur pepsi pi gayi aur boli aaj aap udaas kyon hai?
Pati- aaj to din hi kharab hai
Subah tumse jhagda ho gaya raste me car kharab ho gayi
office late puhncha
boss ne naukri se nikal diya..
ab suicide ke liye pepsi me zaher milaya tha..
wo bhi tum pi gayi 

Wife: Phone pe itni dhimi aawaz me kis se bat kar rahe ho?

Wife: Phone pe itni dhimi aawaz me kis se bat kar rahe ho??
Husband: Bahen hai..!
Wife: To fir itni dhimi aawaz me kis liye?
Husb: Teri hai… isiliye.

Biwi ek din office se thoda jaldi ghar pahuchi toh

Biwi ek din office se thoda jaldi ghar pahuchi toh
chup-chaap bedroom ka darwaza khola toh….
dekha ke kambal mein 2 ke bajaye 4 taangein nazar aa rahi thi.
Usne ek cricket bat uthaya aur zor-zor se maarna shuru ho gayi.
Jab maar-maar ke thak gyi toh paani peene kitchen mein gayi…
aur dekha ki uska PATI bahar balcony mein bathe magazine padh raha hai.
Pati bola:
Tumhare Mummy-Papa aye hain aur maine unko bedroom mein sulaya hai.
Jaa ke mil lo..

Husband wife Sms Jokes 

 

Wife drinking WHISKEY,
asked “Tum kaun ho?”
.
.
.
Husband: Pagal ho gayi ho kya?
Apne husband ko bhool gayi?
.
.
.
.
Wife: Nasha har gum bhula deta hai…. “Bhaisaab”..!!:D

A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for there anniversary

A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for there anniversary
and then his wife didn’t speak to him for 6 months.
Was the neclace fake?
No. that was deal..!! :’D 

A man was walking in rain

A man was walking in rain
A sweet lady: Why don’t u share my umbrella ?
Man: no sister its fine (And he walked away)
Moral: Moral voral kuch nahi Piche biwi aa rahi thi

Jailer: Faasi se pehle kisse miloge?

Jailer: Faasi se pehle kisse miloge?
Santa: Biwi Se
Jailer: Maa-Baap se nahi
Santa: Maa-Baap to agla jnm lete hi mil jyenge
biwi ke liye sala phir 25 saal wait karna padega!! :d

What is the best example of once in a lifetime opportunity?

What is the best example of ‘once in a lifetime’ opportunity?
A Mosquito lands on your wife’s face,
& u get the rarest opportunity of your life..
Never miss it!! 

Husband: can u be the moon of my life?

Husband: can u be the moon of my life?
Wife: Awww Yes sweetheart..!
.
.
.
.
.
Husband: Great! then….
Stay 9,955,887.6 kms away from Me..!! 

Kahte hain, Shaadi ki gaantth to aasman mein hi bandh jati hai

Kahte hain..
Shaadi ki gaantth to aasman mein hi bandh jati hai..
Insan to sirf petikot salwar bra ki
gaantthe kholne ke liye hi zamin par bheja jaata hai.

Man: is there any medicine for long life?

Man: is there any medicine for long life?
Doctor: get married
man: will it help?
Doc: no, but it will avoid such thoughts

Santa ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya

Santa ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya.
Santa: Ye 3 mahine mein bacha kaise ho gaya?
Biwi: Aapki shadi ko kitna time hua hai?
Santa: 3 mahine.
Biwi: Aur meri shadi ko?
Santa: 3 mahine.
Biwi: Aur bachcha kitne time baad hua?
Santa: 3 mahine baad.
Biwi: Total kitne mahine ho gaye?
Santa: Ohh teri vakai, 9 mahine ho gaye!
time ka pata hi nahi laga? 

Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli

Wife bathroom se naha ke nikli to Santa use ghur raha tha!
Wife romantic hokar:
Kuch karne ka irada hai kya?
Santa 2 thappad maar ke bola:
Mere garm pani se kyu nahayi!!

Santa ke lips jale hue the

Santa ke lips jale hue the
Banta: Kaise jale
Santa: Wife ko railway steation drop krne gaya tha.
Banta: To?
Santa: Khushi ke mare.
Train ke engine ko choom liya :*

Apne suna hoga Maa-Baap ke karmo ka Fal Beto ko milta hai

Apne suna hoga Maa-Baap ke karmo ka Fal Beto ko milta hai,
Lekin kabhi-kabhi Maa-Baap ke karmo ka Fal,
Unke DAMADON ko bhi Bhugatana padta hai!

Agar aadhi raat ko aapka dil kare aur biwi ka mood na ho

Agar aadhi raat ko aapka dil kare aur biwi ka mood na ho
To
Biwi ko tang na kare
.
.
Khud uthkar apne hath se
.
.
.
Pani pee lein!!
Ek bar fir aapki soch ko salaam.

Ek aurat saheli se

Ek aurat saheli se: Mujhe bachcha nahi ho raha!
Saheli: Tumhara pati namard hoga..?
Aurat: Mera Pati kya,
mujhe to tumhara pati bhi namard hi lagta hai.

Im not feeling well

Im not feeling well..
Husband: Ohhoo I was thinking to go for a dinner!!
Wife: I was joking dear..
Husband: Me too,
Chal uth rotti bana shabas.